What We Sow

What We Sow by debgrant

Yesterday I had a conversation with an old friend. I have known her for only a few of her 89 years. We share a mutual political posture. Our conversation began there with politics - how it made us anxious for so many people affected by this chaos. Then we asked each other how the chaos so far has impacted our lives personally. I spoke of financial worries, of my deepening awareness of fewer resources and rising prices. She admitted that it hadn’t impacted her much personally. Her finances are stable and quipped that they don’t have to last much longer given her health and her age. She has a large family who are like-mind politically with her so family gatherings are free of conflict beyond the normal teasing. Most of them live nearby and are attentive to her. She is very aware that is not the case for many families.

I asked her if she had anything that keeps her up at night. And she started to cry. Just the day before, her daughter who was dealing with some mental health issues lashed out at her. Her daughter blurted out that she believed her mother had cheated on her father and had never told her the truth about who her real father was. My friend was shocked by the accusation and told her it wasn’t true. When asked where she got such a notion, she said from her grandmother, my friend’s ex-mother-in-law. My friend’s ex-husband and her ex-mother-in-law died many years ago. The question of the daughter’s parentage was tossed out in anger and bitterness at her granddaughter by a woman seeking vengeance for her son. For years, that bitter outburst of seed of doubt grew inside that daughter eroding the tender fabric of her emotional wellness and her relationship with her 89 year old mother.

As best I could, I comforted my friend in her pain. I listened to her stories about how she had been abused by her ex but shielded her daughter from those stories over the years to protect her daughter’s relationship with her father. That is what mothers do.

I grieved for this sweet woman at the end of her days weeping for a broken relationship with a daughter. It may or may not be repaired but I still wish I could protect this woman from a night of lost sleep or a single day of harm.

I pondered how a small, snarky remark by bitter woman festered so long in a young girl’s heart and caused so much pain in a moment in the life of world where chaos and pain is the order of the day. I don’t know how to fix the world right now. I do know how to take care what I sow. What we sow today matters. Let us take care what we sow.

Peace,

deb