I live in Minnesota but am out in Colorado with my husband. This is my fifth trip since October. My wonderful brother-in-law died in November, and since then we, her son and her niece have been trying to help my sister make the transition to assisted living. It feels like a near impossibility. My sister has multiple major health problems, is on constant pain medication, demands constant care, and may be developing dementia. She is a diffult personality at the best of times, and this is not the best of times. In addition, my husband is now becoming responsible for overseeing her medical, financial and legal care--a massive undertaking in itself--and will be doing it at a distance in the first weeks after his own retirement..
The problem is that my sister is demanding to move back to her large house and get 24-hour care. Even with that care, assuming that it's dependable, it's not a do-able situation. She's already at the top level of care she can get at her residence. The next step is a skilled nursing facility. I don't think that she understands this yet. My brother-in-law took care of her every need for years, so that's what she's used to. My husband, God bless him, is planning to sit down with her one on one today and tell her that we, her four caregivers, are already maxed out. We can't do any more, and coming home is impossible. If she insists on coming home, she will have to do everything herself. We can't help her.
We are praying for patience and a resurgence of compassion. It's very hard to deal with her criticisms and snarky comments., which are often followed by ,"I was just joking!" and "You can do what you want." But the thing is, her pain is real, her anger is real, her grief over the loss of her husband, her home and her freedom is real. She's bored and depressed, and who wouldn't be?
So, I ask for prayers for us. Jesus didn't say, "Be compassionate to the easy people, the ones who are grateful for everything you do." He just said, "Love people." Period. No qualifications, no excuses. And he loves my sister, and died for love of her. Boy, do I need grace.
I bet I've gone over my five minutes. Thanks for listening.
Funny you should ask.
I live in Minnesota but am out in Colorado with my husband. This is my fifth trip since October. My wonderful brother-in-law died in November, and since then we, her son and her niece have been trying to help my sister make the transition to assisted living. It feels like a near impossibility. My sister has multiple major health problems, is on constant pain medication, demands constant care, and may be developing dementia. She is a diffult personality at the best of times, and this is not the best of times. In addition, my husband is now becoming responsible for overseeing her medical, financial and legal care--a massive undertaking in itself--and will be doing it at a distance in the first weeks after his own retirement..
The problem is that my sister is demanding to move back to her large house and get 24-hour care. Even with that care, assuming that it's dependable, it's not a do-able situation. She's already at the top level of care she can get at her residence. The next step is a skilled nursing facility. I don't think that she understands this yet. My brother-in-law took care of her every need for years, so that's what she's used to. My husband, God bless him, is planning to sit down with her one on one today and tell her that we, her four caregivers, are already maxed out. We can't do any more, and coming home is impossible. If she insists on coming home, she will have to do everything herself. We can't help her.
We are praying for patience and a resurgence of compassion. It's very hard to deal with her criticisms and snarky comments., which are often followed by ,"I was just joking!" and "You can do what you want." But the thing is, her pain is real, her anger is real, her grief over the loss of her husband, her home and her freedom is real. She's bored and depressed, and who wouldn't be?
So, I ask for prayers for us. Jesus didn't say, "Be compassionate to the easy people, the ones who are grateful for everything you do." He just said, "Love people." Period. No qualifications, no excuses. And he loves my sister, and died for love of her. Boy, do I need grace.
I bet I've gone over my five minutes. Thanks for listening.
You will always have 5 more minutes. Grace abounds. Prayers ascend. You have company in the wilderness of draining and ever present love.